Tear hoarder (from She Speaks)

I wanted to re-post this devotional post because it kind of reminded me of, me! I used to do everything I could to keep from crying. I felt like it made me look so weak, and that really I'm an ugly crier. But this devotional is just so right on...so read on, and feel free to cry... sad tears, laughter through tears, joyful tears...it's all good!

a former hoarder

aninspirational entry on tears

I used to be a hoarder. For years I stored tears far from the eyes of anyone else. I simply refused to cry. Stock piling my tears started with one little tooth.
“Just tilt your head back, close your eyes and I’ll yank it out on the count of three…ready? 1…2…3!”
I was only six. Too little for that sharp surge of pain that rushed through my mouth. So of course it was only natural I burst into tears.
“You big cry baby!” That’s my dad for you. The big heroic tooth extractor laughed.
All I could do was whimper amid muffled sobs, “But it hurts!” I nursed the gaping hole in my gums with a soggy paper towel. My historic moment of bravery turned into one pathetic flop. I had proved myself an official wimp.
That sealed the deal. Crying became a strictly private and pretty much non-existent affair… even into my adult years. Any time I felt tears, like a dam about to burst, I forced them to stay where I thought they belonged: hidden deep within my soul for no one else to see.
When I stumbled across these two treasured lines my perspective on crying changed:

You [LORD] have collected all my tears in your bottle
You have recorded each one in your book. {Psalm 56:8}

I couldn’t believe it. Someone else wanted to store my tears! In a far better place than the corners of my heart. Isn’t it cool to think each droplet we’ve shed over our twenty-some years of experiences {including losing our first tooth} has been collected in a precious bottle? Held near and dear to our Father’s heart?
You see, God doesn’t laugh when we cry. He doesn’t tell us to toughen up or turn the page on our tears like they don’t exist. Instead, He picks us up on His lap and wraps us in His loving arms as we pour out our hearts to Him. Our Lord loves for us to let Him in on our deepest felt emotions.
Whatever your tears are about right now–unanswered prayers… unmet promises… uncertainties of life–they are seen and saved by the One who comforts and cares for our every need. If you’re a tear hoarder, may I encourage you? Open the floodgate of your heart and release your tears, sit quietly with the Lord and… listen. Journal. Or take a walk and give your tears to Him. His bottle is open and ready to catch every single one.
Something Else…
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” {2 Corinthians 1:3-4}
From http://www.sheseeks.org/2012/a-former-hoarder/

Monthly recap

I see it has been over a month since my last blog post! Yikes, I could be labeled as a slacker!
There's been a few significant things that have happened over the past month that may deserve their own blog. I'll try to just do the quick recap today.

Mid-March I went with 3 other ladies from my church to an Extraordinary Women Conference. I have no pictures of that event sadly, but the memories are imprinted in my heart. It was such a sweet time of refreshment and encouragement to me...I called it the CEUs (continuing education unit hours) of my spiritual walk. I really want to do a blog post about all God spoke to me during those 2 precious days. It was so amazing!!

A few weeks ago my dad started having some chest pains....the journey was a little long after that and ended up with him at Duke University where he underwent a quintuple bypass. It was pretty shocking to us all since he was pretty active.

Here he is after his surgery. He is recovering at home now. I told him I was grateful he chose spring break to have this happen so all four of us were able to be there with him during his hospital stay. I'm hoping to convince him to come stay with us a little while during his recovery process, since my mom is working and he is alone during the day. We would love the company!

Here's a pic of the boys at Easter. We spent Easter in Durham with my dad, mom, and sister's family. My dad was still in the hospital at Duke.

We are back home now. Noah started back to school yesterday after spring break. It was GREAT to just be home and get back in our routine. I love routine.

One last story and I promise I will try to be a more consistent blogger....
The other day Noah and Eric were doing a bible study together. Nathan was a little sad that he wasn't involved (the study is just a little too old for him), so I gave him a few large jewel beads from a necklace I had. He loves to carry rocks around and these had fun shapes and colors so it did the trick. However, yesterday one of these stone thingys was on the couch and Noah (!) decides to put it in his mouth and swallow it. I'm not sure why that happened but here's the picture of the stones compared to a quarter. They do things like that in cop shows to show scale so I thought I would be fancy.

He swallowed the solid pink one to the left. I'm so thankful he didn't choke! I called the jewelry company to make sure there was no lead in it. Noah has panicked ever since and has worried himself to death. Thankfully the stone passed today! yay! So thankful nothing bad came of that! Boys keep life interesting and fun! Although I'm certain they are making me grow gray!!
I'm hoping for more blog posts soon...

The Natey Files

The following picture just makes me laugh and laugh. Nathan, or as we often call him, The Natey, copies behavior, words, actions, whatever he observes. I think that is normal for his age as he learns how to behave and speak. We made smoothies this morning. Apparently I had my pinkie finger sticking out as I was drinking my glass. I saw him notice it, and the next thing I knew he was drinking his glass like this...

Very proper, Natey. I did tell him that men don't drink like that. And really, most real women don't either. Not sure why my pinkie does that!!

Why nighttime has become a breeze

This is the little reading area outside the boys' bedrooms. Above the bookcase reads, "Brothers are the best of friends". I love this so much (ask me how to get things like that for your wall too!). This is why nighttime has become sweeter and so much easier. The boys are finally at that age where they want to sleep in the same room, they don't chat all night, and they just encourage each other. It takes a load off of mommy and daddy for sure! Here they are the first night sleepover.

 

The funniest part to me is this guy

He's the one who has to have the closet light on, a flashlight or some sort of light in his bed at all times. He's the one who gets scared. He was the one who freaked out about the possibility of a "tormado" and that's why we put Noah in his room. Now all of the sudden he's Mr. Brave. He doesn't even want ANY light anymore. I asked Eric, "why do you think he's so brave all the sudden?". Eric said simply, "He's got his big brother."

 Big brother, Noah, likes being needed. He loves being there for Nathan and they are so excited to go to bed each night together. Book time has been fun too, instead of Eric and I splitting up reading in bed I brought a chair in the center of the room and read to them both.

They torture me with this book. They like it because of the page where the 2 year old flushes his mommy's watch down the toilet. They are laughing hysterically above in this picture. The book tears me to pieces. I cry every.single.time. I cannot get past the 3rd page. I posted this picture on facebook the other night and was relived to know I am not the only mother who cries uncontrollably about this book.

And here's me reading the book, page 3, unable to mutter another a word because I'm stifling bursting into tears.

The boys had to get close to see what was so sad. Here's a little excerpt from the book that the mommy always says to her little boy through each stage in his life: "I'll love you forever / I'll love you for always / As long as I'm living / My baby you'll be."
Tears. I don't want my babies to grow up, but since I have no control over that, I am so thankful they have each other and love each other as best friends. This is a new stage where I don't have to go running to their rooms over every little thing. They are growing up for sure....but they will ALWAYS be my babies.

What have we been doing?

Well, I don't know...there's always something going on! We had a fun trip to the water park with some friends. We've been healthy, the weather has been wonderful!! We've had some great family days together, just making memories every chance we can get.

We have been working on a common issue with the boys....FINE MOTOR DEVELOPMENT. Yuck! They have these issues because of me and my phobia of messes. I banned play doh early on in their life. Crayons make me cringe...they get peeled, broken, and everything gets colored besides the paper they were supposed to color on. Scissors make me envision gaping bloody wounds that require trips to the ER. So because of my fears, the boys are now having to play catch up because they have weak hand muscles. This makes me feel horrible!! Noah has finally caught up. His writing amazes me, coloring is much better, and scissor work no longer brings tears of frustration His new skill he learned this week, after many, many tears and trying over and over again...tying his shoes! Yay! I'm so proud of him.

This is a little board I purchased that helps them learn

Nathan has lots of work to do! We've been working on play doh daily (anyone who knows me know what a huge deal this is for me). He's doing better with scissors, and the crayons...well, at least he doesn't act like he's holding a snake that may bite him at any moment. I bought a new game called "Food Stand Avalanche". He's really enjoyed it and it helps with his pincher grasp. He's gotten so good now he eats his snacks with the tweezers!!

Food Stand Avalanche game

What has been my lesson throughout all this? Well, that my selfishness can hinder their growth to put it simply. This is another reason why I feel like I wouldn't do very well with homeschooling. But, I am trying so hard to learn from this, to let them be boys and do all they need to grow and develop at normal rates! I'm thankful God gives us such grace through these parental mistakes, and has created children so perfectly made that they can catch up at rapid rates. His design for us is always so flawless!!
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Happy Valentine's day!!

Last night my husband stayed up very late. When I woke up this morning, I saw the reason why! He had been hand making my card. Nothing means more to me than a gift straight from the heart!!Happy Valentine's Day!!  I sure do love my guys and am BLESSED every day by them!!

Inside

Front cover

Inside (can't turn it)

Dear Noah, you're 6?

I question this because it seems like time has gone so fast. I prayed for time to go by fast when you were a baby. You were colicky, refluxy, and just all around grumpy...all the time, 24 hours a day. I prayed so hard for that time period to go by quickly!!

Sleepy parents, crying baby

When you were a toddler, they diagnosed you with a severe language delay and put you in the autistic spectrum category. At one point you were having 3 different organizations visiting our home weekly, or twice a week, for speech therapy, play therapy, and a parent teacher educator through the school system. I prayed you through that time so you would just speak to us! I couldn't wait to hear the word, mama.

Play therapy outside

Terrible twos...I couldn't wait for you to listen and obey, and be potty trained! Wild spirit, into everything, and threw fits all the time!

Oh sweet Noah, those years were challenging but they seem like such a blink of an eye now! And I only have the sweetest thoughts of those years! And look at who you are today!

 

Let's talk matters of the heart....Yours is huge. You have compassion, understanding, and an encouraging spirit that is so amazing. Your teacher described you as "full of love and thankfulness....a shining light for Jesus!". Who's your superhero? Jesus!! He is taped to your door! You want to know all about Him, read your bible daily, listen to the bible on cd at night, and you know/memorize more scripture than Daddy and I combined. What are your life goals? You want to be a missionary, a medical one, so you can tell others about Jesus and be a dr. like Daddy. What is your greatest honor? Getting to pray for people especially in big crowds...like in front of the school at chapel or in front of all the AWANA kids at church. I'm not sure where you get that from, but you love praying and don't worry a thing about what other think....you just pray what's on your heart, and it is ALWAYS sweet!! You worry, you always want to do things right and stick by the rules. If you get into trouble, you HAVE to know you are still loved and forgiven or it tears you to pieces. You told me last night that you want me to kiss you goodnight every night forever, and I said I would until you moved away. You were disturbed, so I explained one day you will go away to college. You promised me you would never do that, and never leave me. I said "Deal!" we exchanged thumbs up. Promise me you'll quit growing up so fast, and I promise you I'll never pray time away again!! Love you, Noah.

 Happy birthday, my sweet baby!

Birthday cake did say "Happy birthday Noah!"

Birthday cake for breakfast is ALWAYS fun!